Addiction: a complex issue affecting many.

Addiction is a complicated issue that is often intertwined with low self-esteem, alcoholism, drugs and mental ill health. Understanding the complex relationships is crucial to addressing and combating addiction effectively.

Definiton of addiction: a compulsive and harmful engagement with a substance or behaviour that often leads to negative consequences. It's not limited to substances like drugs or alcohol; it can involve behaviours like gambling, gaming or over/undereating.

Addiction can significantly destroy an individual's self-esteem, creating a vicious cycle that increases mental health challenges and sometimes results in physical diseases.

One important aspect of addiction's impact is its strain on self-esteem. Low self-esteem can predispose individuals to addiction and addiction can, in turn, further lower self-esteem.

Individuals with low self-esteem may turn to addictive substances or behaviours as a means of coping with their feelings of not being good enough, seeking temporary relief or escape. The relief provided by substances or behaviours would offer a fleeting illusion of confidence, reinforcing the addiction. A vicious circle has started.

Over time, however, addiction takes a toll on self-esteem. As it leads to negative consequences like strained relationships, financial problems or job loss, individuals often internalise these experiences, leading to a further decline in self-worth. The cycle perpetuates itself, as diminished self-esteem can make it even harder for individuals to break free from addiction. This highlights the importance of addressing self-esteem issues as part of addiction treatment.

Alcoholism is a specific category of addiction and is characterised by the compulsive and uncontrolled consumption of alcohol. It can have dire consequences for physical health, mental health and overall well-being. While it may start as a social or recreational activity, it can quickly spiral into a disease that impacts nearly every facet of a person's life.

Alcoholism is often regarded as a disease because it has both genetic and environmental components that contribute to its development. Some individuals have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism, meaning they are more likely to become addicted if they consume alcohol. The environment in which one is raised, their early experiences with alcohol and their coping mechanisms also play crucial roles.

Mental health is closely linked to addiction and alcoholism. Many individuals struggling with addiction have underlying mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety or trauma. Many attempt to self-medicate or numb their emotional pain so they turn to substances like alcohol. While alcohol may provide temporary relief, it ultimately exacerbates mental health problems. Alcohol is a depressant which can intensify feelings of sadness and hopelessness, leading to a vicious cycle that worsens both addiction and mental health.

Feelings of shame and guilt often increases with addiction which further erodes an individual's mental health. Addressing the mental health component is essential to breaking this cycle. Good addiction rehab centres recognise the necessity of providing therapy and support for co-occurring mental health conditions.

The connection between addiction and physical disease is another critical aspect to consider. Substance abuse can lead to a wide range of physical health problems, from liver disease to heart issues and beyond. These diseases most likely affects the individual's overall well-being, making it even more challenging to break free from addiction. The physical toll of addiction serves as a stark reminder of the disease aspect of substance abuse.

These elements are closely connected, creating a web of challenges for individuals struggling with addiction. To effectively combat addiction, it is vital to address these interconnected issues holistically, recognising that addiction is not just a matter of willpower but a complex challenge that requires a varied solution.

Understanding the complex nature of addiction is the first step in this journey towards recovery and a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Balancing our children's mental and physical health

Mental ill health can show up early in life. There will be reasons that are out of our control, however, there is also a lot we can do to help.

The sooner we understand what kind of support is needed and available, the better chances our children have for a healthy and good life.

In today's fast-paced world, the well-being of our children should be at the forefront of our concerns. As parents, caregivers, and educators, we strive to provide them with the best opportunities for growth and development.

The link between mental and physical health

Mental and physical health are unavoidably linked and together, they form the basis of a child's overall well-being. When we talk about mental health, we're referring to mental ill health as well as emotional resilience, coping skills, and a positive self-image. Likewise, physical health is more than just physical fitness; it includes nutrition, sleep and general wellness.

For children, maintaining a balance between these two parts is crucial. Physical health supports mental well-being, as regular exercise and a balanced diet can improve mood and cognitive functioning. At the same time, mental health supports physical health by developing healthy habits, reducing stress and strengthening the immune system.

Screen time and its impact

The digital era has launched a variety of screens into our children's lives. While screens offer educational and recreational opportunities, excessive screen time can have a detrimental effect. It can contribute to physical health issues such as obesity, neck and back problems as well as disrupted sleep patterns. It can also affect social development and hinder the development of crucial life skills.

Parents must play a central role in managing screen time. There is no easy way around this. Setting boundaries and encouraging children to engage in age-appropriate, educational content can help strike a balance. Additionally, being actively involved in your children's screen time activities creates a sense of connection and provides opportunities for discussion and guidance. Children like it when parents know what they play and watch.

The power of being present

Parental presence is not just about being there physically; it's about emotional availability and engagement. Attachment theory* explains that a secure emotional bond between children and caregivers is fundamental for healthy development throughout life. These bonds ensure that a child feels safe to explore the world, form relationships, and develop a strong sense of self.

When parents are present both physically and emotionally, a child will feel secure in expressing their feelings, thoughts and concerns. This emotional connection is a protective factor and helps children cope with stress and adversity and increases their self-esteem and resilience.

Dealing with rejection and building resilience

Rejection is a part of life that is hard to avoid, even in childhood. It can come in many forms – not being picked for a team, difficulty making friends or facing academic challenges. How children handle rejection profoundly impacts their mental health and social skills.

Parents can help children deal with rejection by validating their feelings, teaching coping strategies and encouraging perseverance. A strong attachment to the parent or caregiver provides a secure foundation for children to draw strength and resilience from when facing difficult situations.

Developing social skills and connection

Social skills are essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships. Children need to learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts and empathise with others. These skills are best developed through real-world interactions and connections.

Parents can teach social skills by ensuring their children engage with friends or family, both in structured and unstructured settings. Encourage playdates, group activities and open-ended conversations about friendships and emotions. Teach the value of kindness, empathy and how to listen.

The importance of real-life meetings

In our digitally connected world, genuine, face-to-face connections are more critical than ever. While online interactions have their place, they cannot fully replace the importance of in-person connections.

Parents should prioritise family time and ensure they have meaningful conversations. Quality over quantity is key. Engage in activities that promote bonding, such as family meals, outings and shared hobbies. These moments not only strengthen the parent-child bond but also healthy interpersonal relationships.

The development of children's mental and physical health depends on a balance of various interconnected factors. Screen time, parental presence, attachment, rejection, social skills and meaningful connections all play integral roles in shaping a child's well-being. As parents, our aim should be to create an environment that nurtures not only their bodies but also their hearts and minds. By doing so, we equip them with the tools they need to navigate life's challenges and create connections that will enhance their lives.

This takes effort and time, however, when our children leave the nest and fly away, confident and able to cope with life’s ups and downs, pat yourself on the back!

We never stop being their parents and for that, I am forever grateful.

*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory

Why should companies invest in mental health awareness training?

Mental health awareness training is crucial for companies and their staff for several reasons.

Firstly, promoting mental health awareness creates a supportive and inclusive work environment, fostering employee well-being and productivity. By understanding common mental health challenges such as stress, anxiety and depression, staff members can recognise and empathise with their colleagues' struggles, which in turn reduces stigma and encourages open communication.

Secondly, mental health issues can significantly impact job performance (presentism) and absenteeism. By providing training on recognising the signs of mental health concerns, companies can offer support and resources sooner to prevent these issues from escalating. This proactive approach can minimise the negative effects on productivity and team morale, ultimately benefitting the overall organisational performance.

Mental health awareness training equips employees with coping strategies and self-care techniques. By promoting self-awareness and resilience, companies empower their staff to manage stress and maintain optimal well-being, leading to increased job satisfaction and retention. It’s a win-win situation.

Ultimately, mental health awareness training demonstrates a commitment to the holistic well-being of employees. It sends a powerful message that mental health matters and that the company values its staff's welfare, fostering a culture of compassion and understanding. This according to research, is something many employees value more than ever.

We are here to help. Please contact ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk for a chat.

Family, connection and food

We talk a lot about connection and the importance of feeling part of a shared space – and today, I wanted to talk about meal times.

We live in a world of instant gratification, of constant distraction and busyness.  So what happens in your home around meal times?  Are there shared spaces and connections made whilst eating a meal – or is meal time seen as a time to be tolerated and endured to simpy get through?

Meal times present and opportunity for you and your family!

Numerous studies have been done that show how sharing meals is integral to how your family functions and that it can aid closer relationships and build social and emotional skills for you and your child (ren).

Some positives that are encouraged when you sit down at eat together as a family include:

·       Promoting a safe, secure space for your children that enourages attachment

·       An opportunity for you to role model good behaviour and eating habits and pass these onto your child (ren)

·       A great space to practice social interaction, chatting and conversation and in particular, that all impoartant skill of how to listen to each other in a supportive way

·       Conflict resolution, patience and tolerance will also be needed at meal times and give your child (ren) a change to learn how to adjust, adapt and compromise

·       A huge positive for everyone is that eating together and bonding over food reduces stress levels and releases the feel good chemicals such as dopamine and endorphins.

If you don’t normally eat together, try to implement times when you do eat together as a family.  Start small with breakfast or lunch and build up to eating together as a family whenever possible.    Remember it takes 21 days to form a new habit and 90 days for it to become a regular part of your lifestyle, so stick with a new ‘regime’ and build it up slowly into a habit and then a lifestyle.  (the 21:90 rule!)

If you have teens (or pre-teens) give them ample warning about when dinner is.  Set a time and stick to it.  Institute a ‘rule’ that anytime after (say 5pm) if they are going onto an online game or race or activity that they can’t leave, they need to check with you first if they’ll be able to do this before dinner.  Dinner together needs to be seen as a priority for your family and one that you all participate in.

Make it fun – allow kids to have a say in the menu; to cook some of the meal themselves; mix it up a bit at times (have breakfast for dinner one day!) and swap seats.  Use mealtime to talk about your day e.g. ‘what is your highlight of your day’ and then ‘what is one question you didn’t get answered today’ and ‘tell us something new that happened today or tell us a joke’.  If you run out of ideas, learn a new word from the dictionary every day or put ideas into a hat and pull out a series of questions that you’ve gathered from the internet! Teach those social skills!

Installing the habit of eating and forming connections over food is an essential component of wellbeing and you can start this today!

Enjoy!

Written by Jenni Cole

The connection between self-esteem and mental ill health.

Self-esteem is a critical part of our mental health as it is the foundation of how we see ourselves and have confidence in our abilities. It is the value we place on ourselves, our beliefs about our capabilities and our ability to meet challenges.

High self-esteem is linked to good mental health and a sense of well-being, while low self-esteem can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety and other mental health disorders. It may also get in the way of relationships both at work and privately.

A person with high self-esteem is more confident, self-assured, and has a positive outlook on life. They tend to be better equipped to handle stress, setbacks and challenges because they believe in their ability to overcome obstacles. On the other hand, individuals with low self-esteem often struggle with negative self-talk, self-doubt, and feelings of worthlessness which can lead to a range of mental health problems.

One of the biggest impacts of low self-esteem on mental health is depression. When we have a negative view of ourselves, we are more likely to experience feelings of hopelessness, sadness and despair. This can lead to a vicious cycle, where our low self-esteem makes us more vulnerable to depression which in turn, further wears down our self-esteem.

Anxiety is also a big part of low self-esteem. When we have low self-esteem, we may constantly worry about what others think of us or fear rejection. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and even panic attacks.

Addiction and low self-esteem are also connected. When we don't feel good about ourselves, we may turn to drugs, alcohol or other substances to cope with our negative feelings. This can lead to a range of addiction problems, including substance abuse, gambling addiction and compulsive overeating.

Paying attention to our own and others’ behaviour and getting help sooner rather than later is vital as early intervention is key to recovery and prevention of further decline.

In conclusion, self-esteem is a vital component of mental health, and low self-esteem can have a range of negative impacts on our mental well-being. It is important to cultivate a positive self-image and confidence in our abilities, as this can help us better cope with stress, setbacks and challenges in life.

If you are struggling with low self-esteem, it is important to seek support from a mental health professional who can help you develop strategies to improve your self-esteem and mental health.

Take care!

Climate Change...responsibility of parents or politicians?

My son was doing a lot of research around the effects of climate change and the question of responsibility and it got me thinking about the parent vs politicians question. My interest was also sparked by the local elections recently and the question of, ‘Do I know if the politician I am voting for is active with policy and plans for climate change?’ I’m ashamed to say the answer is ‘I don’t know’.

We’ve often had situations with our parenting work when the parents deem the training and education of their children to be the sole responsibility of the school; and equally plenty of discussions with schools where they lament about the poor parenting responsibility and input with children about matters not typically included in the school curriculum. So when it comes to something like climate change - whose responsibility is it to ensure that our future generations know the extent of this problem and what to do about it?

Our generation Z (those aged 10 - 25) are our most tech savvy, hungry for knowledge segment of the population. They consume copious amounts of social media and online information and are as a collective, a very environmentally conscious group. Yet, in the survey my son took, only 10% of those surveyed in this age group, knew that there was something known as pressure groups that advocate for those who are able to vote, to vote for politicians who are active and engaged with changing legislation around climate change. I found this statistic shocking. It goes to show that the sensationalism and ‘quick flick’ behaviour of apps and online forums, is not getting the message across to this captive audience, that they have power with their votes to make real changes to policies that will actually really effect change.

So, does this then fall to the parents to bridge this gap? Do the parents themselves know? Although many parents do vote, the survey also found that most do not look at the actual policies a politician supports before voting for him/her. They don’t do a ‘deep dive’ to really know who they are voting for and what that politician will actively be promoting. Really interesting to consider. Particularly, when you think about how long it sometimes takes me (and others!) to choose the perfect avocado from the options available. Why have I not spent any time at all really investigating who I vote for?

I will say this, it’s started some very interesting conversations around our dinner table - and my hope is, that this blog today, will start some around yours.

What works for you? Do you know?

There is so much information out there about mental ill health and what we should and shouldn’t do.

As with most things, knowledge and understanding is power and to know what works for us individually is the no 1 thing.

To be told by someone else what you need to do might not be the best thing. Trying things out and working out what actually does work is the way forward in my experience.

I have tried many things in the past, some successful, some not. The one thing I do know is that whatever I do, I must make it part of my routine and to become part of my everyday/week thing to do. I have to like it, feel the difference and look forward to doing it. It takes time for something to become a habit and we have to be prepared to continue for at least 21 days in order for change to happen.

When lockdown happened, I, and most other people, had to change what was my normal routine. Things I had tried in the past without success suddenly became lifesavers. As the lockdown and the changes to our lives continued for such a long time, these habits are now very much ingrained in me.

My husband calls me the spaniel as I am always eager to get out for a walk. Power walks and ‘normal’ walks are a big part of my life and I feel jittery and impatient if I don’t get out. The impact these walks, and nature in general, have on my mental health is immense.

I am absolutely certain that without them, I would have struggled throughout lockdown in particular. I have never seen myself as an anxious or nervy person, still don’t really. However, to get out in nature, with a friend or on my own, releases any of those feelings and I feel more capable of dealing with whatever life throws at me.

So, do you know what helps you keep stress under control, how to keep those low feelings at bay and what lifts your spirits?

Of course, we can’t always be upbeat and feel good but we can ensure we have a better balance in life by using coping skills.

Some us are very private and feel vulnerable sharing feelings with others so for those people it’s even more important to find what helps them.

This and so much more are things we work with at MRT Consultants.

We are here for any questions you might have!

Finally waking up?

The last few weeks have been a stark reminder to women’s vulnerability to violence. With Sarah Everards disappearance and murder, a lot of emotions have been voiced and shown all over the media. So many women sharing their stories and fears.

This has affected me too and the more I think about it, the more I remember incidents that have happened to me since my teens. At the time they were upsetting and a couple of times police were involved due to the seriousness of it. However, most have just been just that, incidents, that I accepted as part of life’s experiences.

As a mother of 2, now adult women, I notice a difference in their response to their incidents of which there have been many. They do not accept things in the way that I did. They discuss it with friends and voice their feelings to who ever will listen. The injustice and outrage is loud and clear.

Has it helped and stopped more abuse? Do their voices make a difference?

I hope so. This has to stop and it has to start at home. Parents and schools need to teach both boys and girls about boundaries, respect and consent. What sex is about and what is real, which is not porn. This seems to be the main way a lot of young boys learn about sex and then think it’s OK to treat girls the same way.

I have listened and read what a young woman, Soma Sara, has been voicing on Instagram and a website, https://www.everyonesinvited.uk/

On there, young women have written testimonials of their experiences at various schools and other places. Sexual abuse, shaming, demeaning and belittling behaviour that no girl should ever have to endure.

What will it take for us as a society to wake up and really face this, very real, problem? Because it doesn’t stop after school is done, this continues into the pubs, bars and offices.

Leaders need to call it out whenever micro aggressions like insults, snubs, derogatory comments and other things like interrupting a woman in a meeting happens. Did you know that 80% of interruptions in a meeting are done by a man to a woman? Speak up in her defence and notice what is going on.

Men and boys need to challenge their ‘mates’ behaviour and not join in the silence when they see behaviours from family or friends that is inappropriate or makes women feel uncomfortable. They have to take a stand and speak out and not allow this behaviour to go unnoticed or unchecked. Model the right behaviour dads - to your sons and for your daughters. And mothers - speak out and stand up for your daughters and teach your sons to respect women.

Change is needed and we can all make a difference.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week

How up to date are you with information on eating disorders? Do you know what they’re all about and how to spot the signs or support someone in your life who may be experiencing this?

This week we’re advocating awareness of eating disorders which are serious, medically dangerous conditions.

Does your child have an eating disorder? To the world, do you seem like the perfect family with a great life? Did you think, ‘it’ll never happen to us’? And what happens when it does? Do you go into overdrive, extreme emotions. Frightened, scared?

Diving into information and knowledge is a starting point to try to wade through the different emotions that you are bound to experience. It’s a form of loss of the life that you thought you had. It’s ‘normal’ to resent the person who has brought these changes into your house and to feel the ripples of emotions throughout the day. As a parent, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel you have all the skills and know how to cope with the situation. Whatever you do - it’s enough. Don’t focus on what you’re not doing, do what you can and be present and committed to support your child - as long as you don’t give up on your child and embrace the person that evolves from the eating disorder and acknowledge and reward their progress and journey - then you’re doing a great job as a parent!

Sometimes the person who is experiencing the eating disorder doesn’t even understand the exact reasons for their feelings or behaviours - so how can you be expected to. Don’t play the blame game - it’s no-ones fault - there are lots of reasons why some people are susceptible to mental health illness and others not. Just don’t give up and know you can get through it and come out stronger and healthier together.

Knowledge is power - so find out as much as you can. Get in touch with charities that are there to support you like BEAT: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/supporting-someone

Some tips from a mother who has supported her child through this:

• Avoid personal criticism

• Acknowledge small steps forward

  • Make goals/movement forward achievable and continuous

• Refrain from reinforcing disordered eating / negative language around food

  • Model the right behaviour - what are you doing/saying and how is this impacting on your child? This includes food, exercise and social media input.

• Reinforce healthy eating habits (model them yourself eg: breakfast, lunch and dinner)

• Be as kind as possible and allow your child their own space and control

• Show empathy to your child and give them positive lifts during the day. Work together and let them know that you are part of team or in partnership. Make sure you know you have their back!

• Find the humour and the joy in life and even get to the stage where you can find the humour in the behaviours together. Laugh together…(not at the child!)

• Keep your family routine normal

• Keep communication open and positive. Be transparent and include the whole family in the recovery process. Keep judgement out of conversations - and this includes your opinion!

• Remember the other children in your family - don’t let them feel that they are not getting of your time and attention or are not as important as the child with the eating disorder.

• Do whatever you can to promote self-esteem. Let them know that there is space for everyone in the world and that a lot of what they see on social media isn’t ‘real’.

• Be positive and filled with hope for them that they will recover

If you want more information or are interested in doing a mental health first aid training course to learn more - do get in touch: ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk www.mrtconsultants.co.uk

Watch out for our young people!

This pandemic has affected all of us in one way or the other. Some are worse off, some are coping well. There are different reactions and coping behaviours all around.

As an adult, having lived for 50+ years, I feel fairly able to cope and have found what works for me as far as coping strategies go. Thank goodness for exercise! Without my daily walks and cycling, it would have been a very different scenario.

What about the young people? The 16-25 year olds? How are they coping? What are their views throughout this period? There are so many people to be concerned about and this group is one of them.

They need to feel included, understood and seen. The mental health risks to this age group are also great as they are under different kinds of pressure socially and showing vulnerability to others is a big challenge.

According to research done for the Prince’s Trust Tesco Youth Index, this group feels more anxious and unable to cope than ever.

The Prince’s Trust found that among 16- to 25-year-olds ...

68% feel they are 'missing out on being young'

66% say current and upcoming political events have made them feel anxious about their future

62% believe they’ve 'lost a year' of their lives

58% say constant news about the pandemic makes them feel anxious

54% say political and economic events of 2020 have made their mental health worse

46% of Neets* are dreading the year ahead

38% are dreading the year ahead

Guardian graphic. Source: 2021 Prince’s Trust Tesco Youth Index. *not in work, education or training

Half of the young people interviewed by YouGov for the trust’s 2020 Youth Index, carried out in partnership with Tesco, said current political and economic events had affected their mental health. More than half said they always or often felt anxious, rising to 64% among those not in work, education or training (Neet).

So what can be done for this vulnerable group? How can we help the ones we are close to? What can companies do?

“At this critical time we need businesses, government and individuals to work with us to help as many vulnerable young people as possible,” Jonathan Townsend, the trust’s UK chief executive. “It is only by working together that we can stop this generation of young people giving up on their futures – and themselves.”

So over to you lovely people out there, can you reach out and offer help? Is there space for a young person to join your workforce in one way or another? Even something small can really help a young person to feel valued and that they have a contribution to make.

2020 - what a year

Who would have predicted a year ago what was ahead of us? Looking back it has been a year of many events and emotions. We all have different experiences and feelings on what has been happening and a lot to digest.

Some have liked it and found it freeing in a funny way. No musts of going places and meeting people. It has allowed them time to spend with their families and reconnecting in a way they hadn’t been able to normally. So many live in a constant state of stress and not being enough and this unexpected situation suddenly enabled them to just be.

The other side has been quite different, causing havoc, stress and uncertainty both emotionally and financially. Many losing their jobs, not being able to pay rent or mortgages. Relationships suffering because of these situations.

Then there’s the in between, the people holding on to their jobs, adjusting and coping even if it’s been tough. It’s been so unpredictable, who is coping and who isn’t. Some who I assumed would be fine haven’t been and others who I thought would struggle have been fine.

What makes us so different? Why do some people manage better than others?

I am not referring to financial difficulties during Covid but rather the emotional coping skills some people possess and others don’t.

I think a lot comes down to resilience and the ability to control the ‘controlable’. The way we respond to situations and allow them to take over or not. How we bounce back rather than dwelling.

This is something we learn and become used to so if a person has not had to deal with many difficulties in their lives and suddenly face them during a pandemic, the ability to cope might not be there.

We can start to learn by reading, talking and noticing other people around us and what they do. Awareness and knowledge helps greatly. Compassion, empathy and gratitude for what we do have also plays a big part in how we deal with difficult situations.

What have you learnt during this year? What has been, if anything, the silver lining in your life?

For me, it has been having a home to work from, the ability to adjust and change our work to go online, spending more time outdoors with some friends whilst exercising, having my husband to be with and support me who also happens to be a great cook and also generally slowing down in life. Noticing nature and the surroundings in a way I haven’t done before has also been lovely.

Connection- more important then ever

I just listened to a lovely speaker who talked about connection and how it affects us a human beings and the impact it has on both our mental and physical health.

Do you know that when we have good, deep connection with friends and family, we improve our chances of longevity and health?

Do you also know that showing vulnerability will pay off in the end? It tends to have a domino effect, when one person dares to bare, more people follow.

How many times do we say ‘I’m fine’ when we aren’t? How many times do we actually say what we need when we feel low?

Not often enough is the answer. What stops us? Why is to so hard to show feelings when we are low? Happy and positive feelings are a lot easier to share, aren’t they?

The fear of being judged and fear of rejection are 2 reasons. To step out of that comfort zone takes courage and time but it’s worth it.

When we open up and are received by someone else who shows they care and listen no matter what, that is the best feeling ever. So, if we show others that being vulnerable is ok, we help others to dare to do the same.

Check out this talk, it’s 10 mins of your time: https://youtu.be/WKUgVpCqvfY

What can you do to improve connection? How can you reach out to people?

We have a few gatherings on our road every year and it is such a lovely way to get to know the neighbours. There is a street party every summer, a children’s play day in the autumn, a ladies night, Safari supper and other things through out the year. A great way to be connected to others nearby.

Obviously during Covid, a lot of this has not been possible but we have found other ways to connect via the WhatsApp group, impromptu get togethers outside and just chatting when we bump into each other. It feels good to be part of a community.

There are many people that are lonely around us. This is a problem in big and small communities and it affects our mental health in a detrimental way. We all need connection and feel a belonging whether it’s with neighbours, friends, work colleagues or clubs.

What can we do to be more present and create connection when and if needed? Are there people around us that are longing to belong?

Have a look around you and see what you can do. It all helps.

Enjoy!

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day...

I wonder what you were doing today and if you knew it was ‘World Suicide Prevention Day’? Did you pause and have a think about it - look at some news or educational articles? Pick up the phone and call someone to check in with them?

It’s an extremely troubling and sad fact that every 40 seconds someone takes their own life worldwide. In that same time frame, another 20 people attempt suicide. And the circles of people affected by these actions is enormous.

I often wonder why in the year 2020, when we can pick up the phone and call anyone at a moment’s notice when the world is seemingly so connected and accessible, there are still people who feel so alone, vulnerable and stranded with their thoughts and emotions. I firmly believe it is each and every one of our responsibility to care for each other and make a difference. To reach out and connect and ‘work together to prevent suicide’.

I joined the ‘Mental Health and Wellbeing Show’ this morning and it was truly humbling listening to testimonials from people who have struggled with suicidal thoughts and attempts. Something one of the speakers said really stayed with me. He said that with all the battles that he faces he lives by a simple mantra: 'I live for what difference I can make today'. It sounds so simple and yet it has the capacity to be life-changing for both yourself and others. Instead of worrying about the next thing, the next day, the things outside of your control, focus on the simplest thing that you can do today to make a difference - to your life or others. One step at a time. One small difference each day.

After listing to this webinar I popped down to a local charity shop to buy my personal ‘wellbeing tool’ - a jigsaw puzzle and as I was leaving I noticed a woman looking upset in the corner. Turns out the card payment machine wasn’t working and she was £2 short to buy her item. I gave her two coins and she was extremely grateful and rushed to pay. I was at my car when she came out and I saw her walk up to a lady with a child in a pram and hand them the item. The mum broke into the biggest smile and I could hear the child’s animated voice and I couldn’t stop smiling too. My small difference (giving £2 to a stranger) seems to have had an effect on several people - and I have a feeling that positive effect will continue.

Make a difference - no matter how small - and make it today.

Sitting...and sitting...and sitting...what's the down side?

A friend of mine posted a blog from THE MENTAL ELF by Susie Rudge and it looked at the impact that our sedentary lifestyle has on our mental health. It discussed the difference between complete inactivity vs moderate inactivity:

“In their paper, Hallgren et al. (2019) define TV watching as a passive sedentary behaviour. They set out to ascertain the impact on depression of replacing this with either:

• Mentally active sedentary behaviour (e.g. sitting in a meeting, reading)

• Light physical activity (e.g. walking) or

• Moderate-to-vigorous physical activity (e.g. jogging, swimming).”

They make the link between taking charge of your ‘sedentary lifestyle’ and any depressive or low mood conditions you may experience. The conclusion they reached is:

“Conclusions

The authors concluded that passive sedentary behaviours may increase the risk of depression in adults and that substituting completely passive sedentary behaviour (e.g. taking a bath, watching TV, listening to music) with mentally active sedentary behaviour (e.g. knitting, sitting in a meeting, office work), light physical activity (e.g. walking) and moderate to vigorous physical activity (e.g. jogging, swimming) may reduce the risk of depression symptoms occurring in adults.

Mentally active sedentary behaviour may function as a protective factor in that it could reduce the opportunity for negative thought processes. Moreover, physical activity is known to reduce stress hormones and increase positive neurological processes thought to influence and regulate mood in humans.”

So take a look around you and see what you are doing during your day, what your family is doing, friends and colleagues. Try and encourage as much variety as possible to avoid a purely sedentary day, especially if you or someone you know is prone to periods of low mood or depression.

If you’d like to read the full blog here it is: https://www.nationalelfservice.net/mental-health/depression/sedentary-behaviour-increase-likelihood-developing-major-depression/

Keep active!

Emotional intelligence - what is that about?

What makes a person a good co worker to be around? Why do some people get on with ‘everyone’ and some don’t?

Emotional intelligence can be one of the reasons. A person who is emotionally intelligent tends to read people and situations better than others and can therefore also handle them in a different way.

Their ability to handle situations well is now recognised as a top skill by companies.

In a 2011 Career Builder Survey of more than 2,600 hiring managers and human resource professionals, 71% stated they valued emotional intelligence in an employee over IQ; 75% said they were more likely to promote a highly emotionally intelligent worker; and 59% claimed they’d pass up a candidate with a high IQ but low emotional intelligence.

So what is all of this about? What qualities does a person with high emotional intelligence possess? Can they be learnt?

Yes, I do believe we can learn to become emotionally intelligent. Some have it naturally and others have to learn. In order to learn, you have to be motivated and understand why this is important.

Emotional intelligence definition: ’ the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.’

According to Daniel Goleman , an American psychologist who helped to popularise emotional intelligence, there are five key elements to it:

• Self-awareness. - ‘ What am I feeling and what is my part?’

• Self-regulation. - Write a journal and gratitude journal regularly.

• Motivation. - What do I want in my life and why? What difference will it make? Create a mind map that you can see daily.

• Empathy. - Who do you know that is empathic, what do they do and how do they make you feel? Watch and learn and demonstrate.

• Social skills. - How do you reach out to others and how often? How do you interact? Yet again, do you have someone you admire to learn from?

When someone has high emotional intelligence, they can put aside another persons attacks or behaviour as they understand it’s not about them but the person who is doing it. They don’t take it personally and can differentiate between useful and nasty criticism or feedback and learn from it.

As most things we learn, it takes time and practise which means understanding and implementing these skills as often as one can. Eventually they become second nature and part of us.

MRT Consultants offer training to help with these skills.

Please DM or e-mail for further information!

Wish you all a great continuous summer wherever you are!

Back to the office we go?

How are things going for your company? For yourself? Your family? Your friends?

The uncertainty of late is the biggest obstacle for many to be able to move forward. How will my kids be looked after if I have to go to the office? What are the expectations of my employer? Can my partner and I share the time away from home? Do I feel safe going on public transport and exposing myself and my family to the virus? WHEN WILL THIS STOP???

The unknown is still around and how we deal with this varies from person to person. In my group of friends it is very obvious. Some are happy to meet indoors and even hug, others won’t. Some want to continue to work from home but feel forced to go back to the workplace as they don’t have a valid reason to shield. Others can’t wait to get out and see their workmates. Some will stay at home as long as they are allowed and feel happy about it. There is no one solution that fits all.

So what do we do? Who decides what employees should do? A lot of people would say the company has the right to say what they need and have expectations that their staff should adhere to. They pay their salaries after all.

Then again, if staff is forced to go back into the office, what kind of atmosphere and work environment will this create?

There is no straight forward answer to this. Each company will have to work this out together with their staff. Where there are clients involved, they might need a say in it as well.

The overall thing we all agree on is that the economy needs to get back up and the only way this will happen is if we all engage in any way we can.

At MRT Consultants, we help companies and their staff to get through this by encouraging effective communication, understanding individual needs and self-care. This in turn leads to staff feeling seen and heard and leaders enabling change based on needs of staff rather than just walking all over them.

How are different personality types coping with social distancing?

We’re getting used to being physically and socially distanced from people.  While we all know and understand the reasoning and value behind it – it doesn’t mean that we are finding it easy.  But there are definitely some personality types that are finding it easier than others!

Some people feel like they are literally in solitary confinement whereas others are actually relishing the time alone.  Is this because some people are naturally introverts who thrive in quieter more 1-1 situations?  Or is it something more?

On the basis of nature and biology, humans are social creatures who are designed to thrive in groups and rely on each other for survival. This is where the phrase ‘strength in numbers’ evolved from as well as the laws of natural selection.  Although the world is vastly different from these primitive survival days, we still have an instinct to remain close to other people.  It is one of our basic human needs for connection.

When we are in a situation where proximity to others is removed, our bodies will naturally respond with a level of stress.  As with all stress, we experience the adrenaline that fuels the flight or fight response. However, being in isolation adds another risk - loneliness. Loneliness is one of the most powerful mental and emotional stressors often manifesting in increased anxiety and depression. With no sign of social distancing ending, this stress is likely to increase, so if you know of someone who is experiencing added loneliness at this time - please be extra mindful and vigilant of their mental health.

But then there are those who seem to be thoroughly happy with the social isolation situation. It’s often found that someone who enjoyed playing alone as a child – will continue to thrive when they are isolated from others as an adult. They often present with better mental health and don’t experience ‘FOMO’ (fear of missing out) as intensely as others do and they may also seem to be more grounded.  The upside of this behaviour is often more focus and creativity and self-discipline.

So, even if you’re a person who just loves being with others, take this time to tap into your other side.  Allow yourself the time to really hone your focus and self-awareness skills.  Use the time for reflection and learning and get in touch with your thoughts, feelings and what really makes you happy.  Do you enjoy time with yourself?  If not – why not?   How is your relationship with yourself?  What is your sense-of-self and are you happy with all aspects of yourself?  Do you value yourself?

Important questions – hope you’ll take time to answer them.

Remember – you are the one person you can be sure you will always have in your life!

And the weeks tick by....

We are all now well and truly entrenched in physical and social distancing and for many people this means working from home.   All sorts of new thoughts, feelings and stressors are joining our lives.

In our business, we have really noticed significant changes in the last few weeks from the initial panic and shock and distinct fear that many people were verbalising, to increased anxiety and anger at the situation.  Clients are asking for support for their staff who are feeling increased levels of stress and anxiety with this isolation.  Many are finding the unknown and uncertainty around the end date for COVID-19 extremely unsettling. These feelings parallel the loss cycle that many people experience with grief and understanding this will help you (and others) to normalise these feelings and realise that having such extreme reactions is part of a process of coming to terms with what is no longer.  The important thing is to keep moving through the stages until you are able to find acceptance and a way to move forward.   This requires effort, energy and intention.

There was a very interesting virtual talk (Getahead Festival) last week on stress and how it relates to energy.  How energy cycles in turn feed back into stress and when this stress becomes a ‘struggle’, you are effectively incapable of making clear decisions or having clear thoughts.  It’s imperative to find relief from this struggle in order to close the cycle of stress.  Tools that are essential for this are sleep (where you body and mind can recover from stress); exercise, talking; journaling; touch or hugging; breathing; vision; music or sharing.  Our brain’s natural default is social cognition, so for us to re-group and re-charge, we need to allow it to make these social connections.

Just a few things to think about as we battle on through the coming weeks.

Stay safe and let us know if we can help in any way: ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk

Lots of feelings of anxiety and loss…

Anxiety in children is a very real fear for them – and it all centres around emotion.  The younger the child, the less able they are to understand locus of control – in other words what is happening to them outside of their control and what is within their control. 

One of the best ways to help children is to model the behaviour, the thoughts and the coping skills.  Start off by making sure that you are calm yourself.  Voice the concerns by naming the emotion.  Eg ‘It’s really worrying not knowing what is happening out there in the world at the moment’ or ‘It’s scary not being able to see people and do normal things’ or ‘It makes me feel different and frightened…’  Then ask them how they are feeling.  If a child feels that what they are feeling is shared with others, it reduces their anxiety because it normalises their feelings. 

You would then continue the modelling by moving from naming the fears and anxieties to a place where you start to find a ‘new normal’ for now – keeping the language around…’we can’t do this YET, but we can do this’… or ‘the time we can’t do this WILL PASS, so for now we need to change things a bit and do it this way’.

This is closely linked to the feelings of loss.  There are many students who have had to deal with an abrupt and completely altered end to their schooling careers or end of year exams.  Keep a close eye on University students too as they are a high risk group for mental health concerns. All students will be feeling degrees of loss.  For some, they may still be reeling from shock, denial and anger and others could already be feeling down with a very low mood.  There will also be some who have moved into acceptance of the situation. 

Wherever your children are in the cycle, the most important thing as a parent is to validate their feelings and listen to them. Don’t try and fix things or minimise the impact by saying ‘it doesn’t matter’ or ‘don’t worry you can always redo your exams’ or ‘at least you’re not ill’.  This won’t help them.  You need to empathise and acknowledge how they’re feeling but then work with them to move them through the cycle so they don’t get stuck. 

It may be that  you need to get on the phone to other parents and find out how they are coping with their children; it may be you need to give a teenager space and an outlet for their anger (think drums or a boxing bag). You may need to call the school and speak to someone in the pastoral team.   Keep a close eye on their eating, sleep and hygiene.  If you notice changes this could be an indication that they are getting depressed and may need additional help. 

Try to help them find something positive in their day, their week and the current situation.  Keep connecting with them and find value in the close proximity and time you have together – it truly is unique. 

If you’re worried, remember you can always call the Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

What is the Corona virus threat doing to us?

It’s all around us. The fear of getting ill and/or being away from work, possible financial difficulties. Our elderly and vulnerable getting ill and not surviving. The shops running out of food, no medicine available and getting stuck. The list goes on.

What has the impact been so far? How are you coping with the unknown?

A lot of us have tendencies to catastrophise and expect the worse. What can we do to be in a better headspace?

‘Catastrophising, or catastrophic thinking, is a form of negative thinking where a person thinks the worst about a situation,’ explains cognitive behavioural therapist Marie McGeechan of The Albany Centre. ‘This can lead to unhelpful emotions such as stress or anxiety, and can become a problem if not addressed.’ The tendency to catastrophise can be linked back to early experiences, which shape the way we think. ‘It can also be exacerbated by particular situations and emotional states,’ Marie says. ‘For instance, when we’re feeling depressed, we have a negative view on things which can lead to an increased likelihood of catastrophising. ‘Similarly, if we feel anxious, we tend to overestimate the chances of something bad happening, while also underestimating our ability to cope.’

The skill of living in the now and accepting that we can’t control everything around us is a good one to have.

What is really in your control? How can you help yourself to stay healthy?

I think most of us have read up on all precautions and are doing as much as we can in that regard. So, as far as the mental side of things goes, here is a good article from Psychology today to read as the principal of thinking is the same, no matter what the fear is about:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/friendship-20/201611/5-ways-stop-catastrophizing